There’s a lot of debate about when to tell others that you are pregnant. This is a really personal topic, & really depends on the couple. However, I can tell you what we do & why.
Conventional wisdom encourages parents to wait until the 2nd trimester to announce their pregnancy. Once you reach that time, the risk of miscarriage drops significantly. However, if you’ve read the title, you’ll know we don’t wait to share our news.
But we did once.
& we regretted it.
Unfortunately, we are one of MANY couples who has experienced pregnancy loss, a miscarriage, during our very first pregnancy.
We chose to follow the popular wisdom & wait until the second trimester to announce the pregnancy (except for sharing the news with our parents & siblings). Coincidentally, the timing was perfect to announce our pregnancy on Father’s Day, when we would be safely in the 2nd trimester.
We had an early ultrasound & saw the little peanut & healthy heartbeat around 6 weeks. The Friday before Father’s Day, I had an OB appt, in which they were unable to find a heartbeat on the doppler. They sent me for an ultrasound, which confirmed that our little one no longer had a heartbeat, & had stopped growing about a week prior.
We were broken-hearted.
It was then that we decided we still wanted to share the news of the brief existence of our little one. For us, it allowed us to grieve openly & ultimately, provided the support we needed during our difficult time.
While it was what we needed to grieve, it was also bitter for us to only share the sadness with others & none of the joy we had previously experienced. We realized we also mourned missing out on the opportunity to share the good news & celebrate with others, no matter how long or short the celebration would last.
Since then, we have chosen to announce pregnancy to everyone as soon as a healthy heartbeat & viable pregnancy is seen. This is typically well-before the 2nd trimester. However, we have chosen this because we want to share our good news, & let others rejoice over the new life with us.
In our home, we believe that no matter how long or short a life is, it has meaning, importance, & impact. For us, sharing the news of pregnancy early on is a way to acknowledge & honor this belief.
That said, we know everyone’s experience is different. A mom going through fertility treatment who has experienced multiple losses may not want to share her news. In her case, it may be more bitter to share multiple positive tests that repeatedly end in loss. Her story, her journey, & her choices will look quite different from our own.
Certainly, a mom & a couple must decide what choice is best for them when it comes to sharing or not their news. My hope for other moms is that no matter your choice, you are surrounded by family & friends that love & support you.
Of course, I want to hear from you. Did you wait to announce your first pregnancy, or did you share the news right away? Has the changed with subsequent pregnancies? For other large family moms, do you still get excited about baby announcements or has your perspective changed as your family has grown?
As always, love to you all!
Until the next adventure.
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