As a nurse, I am super picky about healthcare providers. I have worked with a lot of physicians and other professionals & can attest to the fact that there are good & bad out there, just as with any other profession.
One of the most common things I see among friends & family is that they continue to see a physician they don’t like. There are so many reasons they might not like that particular physician. It could be as simple as a personality clash. Or it could be something more major, such as not trusting a physician’s judgement, or feeling as though a mistake or error might have been made.
I want you to hear something loud & clear:
IF YOU DON’T LIKE A DOCTOR, FIND A NEW ONE!
It doesn’t matter the reason. It seriously doesn’t. Healthcare professionals of all varieties have hard jobs & many demands. Nevertheless, they are providing a service which you and your insurance are paying a premium for.
Unfortunately, a lot of patients forget that they are the customer. If you call a plumber & he comes to your house & is rude, you aren’t going to call him again. If you call an electrician & he does a faulty job which starts a fire, you certainly wouldn’t call him again. You might also seek that he reimburse the cost of the damage caused.
So, why is it different for doctors? Certainly, I understand if there aren’t other providers in your area. However, that is not normally the case in our country today. If you choose to change providers, your health care records can be transferred. Honestly, there are very few reasons to continue to see a “bad” doctor.
This is even more true when it comes to your OBGYN while pregnant. You are going to be seeing this doctor A LOT. They are (hopefully) going to be there for one of the biggest moments in your life.
Please, please, find a new OBGYN. Perhaps at the same office or go to a different office.
Now, I do try to give grace & be patient because I know how hard their job is. I am happy to wait a long time for a good provider. In fact, my OBGYN often runs 30 minutes or more late. As a result, I try to get the first appointment in the morning or after lunch. For me, waiting a long time to be seen is not a big deal, because I know she will take all the time I need, just like she did for the patients for me.
On the other hand, for me, there are a few major red flags that will make me refuse to see a provider again.
1. A doctor who doesn’t listen to my concerns or is dismissive- This makes me crazy. If I have a concern, I want you to listen. It is possible that it’s normal, but if it is normal, I want you to explain why it’s happening. For example, I have had EXCRUTIATING hip/pelvic pain with most of my pregnancies. Turns out, this is normal for some women. Basically, it’s that the ligaments in the pelvic bone get loose to prepare for the baby to pass through the birth canal. Great for delivering babies easily, bad for comfort while growing the baby, especially when it occurs early on it pregnancy.
Regardless of how “normal” something might be, how many times a doctor has seen that before, or how simple the concern might end up, a physician should explain what is happening & why it is normal or not. If I have a concern, I have a good reason for it. I expect my health care provider to ease that concern & explain what is happening in my body that makes that “normal.”
2. A doctor who rushes me- To me, this is so disrespectful. As I mentioned above, one of the things I love about my OBGYN is that she spends time with each patient. I do understand & appreciate when doctors try to stay on a schedule. But I also don’t want to be rushed or hurried. My health & my baby’s health are important, so I don’t want to worry that I’m not getting the time I need.
Now, this is an area where I give a little extra grace. If it happens occasionally, I may be more apt to be understanding. However, if this is happening regularly, I will be looking for a new doctor.
3. A doctor who does not ask if I have any questions- Realistically, this goes with the previous one. I expect that before any health care provider leave the room, they ask, “Do you have any questions or concerns?” That question should NOT be asked when they have the hand on the door knob either! Until your answer to that question is “No,” they shouldn’t be making any move towards the door.
4. A doctor who speaks down to me- This is the actual worst in my opinion. Now, I am more sensitive to this particular topic because I am a nurse. Sometimes, when I have a concern, I use medical language without thinking because of my background. Usually, if I do this accidentally one of two things happen. They either ask, “are you in healthcare?” or they assume I did research online & they get annoyed with me. This then translates into speaking down to me or in a condescending manner.
Yes, physicians are generally more educated than the average population. Yes, they deserve to be proud of the knowledge & hard work they have to hold their position. But that never gives them the right to talk down to someone or act as if their patient doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
A patient knows their body best. A mom knows their child best. The doctor NEEDS to listen to the patient in order to effectively diagnose & treat. If they aren’t doing that, they’re doing a poor job.
5. A doctor who does not give me options- This is another one that agitates me & is particularly annoying when starting a new medication or discussing a procedure. A doctor should give options & discuss side effects. Typically, there are going to be multiple options for a treatment. In the even there aren’t multiple medication choices, I expect to know why. Is it the only medication on the market? Am I not eligible for another medication because of a chronic or co-existing condition? If I don’t use that medication or do the procedure, what will occur? Or, why is this medication or option the most recommended by my physician? All of these questions are important & things I expect my physician to discuss readily.
6. A doctor who is rude or gives me a weird vibe- I realize this is sort of vague, but it is how I feel about it. If my doctor gives me a weird vibe or I just don’t “mesh” with their personality, I will likely be looking for a new doctor. Usually, I will see them twice before I make that decision, as sometimes first impressions can be deceiving. But after that 2nd meeting, if I still am feeling “off,” I will be looking for a new doctor.
There’s no reason to stay with a doctor you don’t like or get along with, regardless of the reason. As you may have noticed above, with some things, I will give two chances, but for others, I don’t.
What I would encourage is that regardless, you decide sooner rather than later. It is in your best interest to decide early on in a pregnancy & make the switch, rather than trying to switch OBGYNs in your third trimester, when some offices will no longer accept a new patient.
Of course, I want to hear from you. What are your “red flags” for leaving a doctor’s care? Have you had to switch doctors due to a major concern? What are the reasons that you might have for staying with a difficult physician?
As always, love to you all!
Until the next adventure.
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