Have you ever performed CPR (with mouth to snout) on a lifeless newborn pig? Have you ever cried while hugging an alpaca's neck while he took his last breaths because the vet said there was nothing she could do?
Ok, maybe those aren't the most relatable. Let's try again.
Have you ever held your breath waiting to see if the ultrasound showed a viable pregnancy? Have you held a loved one's hand while they went through painful cancer treatment?
Have you prayed or wished or thought, "If this bad thing is going to happen, please just let it happen now?"
As you might guess, I've gone through each of the experiences above. & during each one, I've found the most painful part to be the holding-your-breath, "in between" moments.
Maybe I'm unique, but I tend to think probably not. For me, the time spent not knowing the prognosis of your child's illness or your mother's cancer is more difficult than hearing the answer. The time spent doing chest compressions & giving everything you can is more difficult than accepting the end result of life or death. Once you've given everything, done everything, prayed every word... The result brings finality & closure to a struggle- even if it is a result you didn't want.
Yesterday, we buried the newborn pig that I revived. The little one that thrived for 3 days after I did CPR. The little gremlin that screeched & fought while I fed him around the clock every 2 hours. That's a lot of hours of sleep that I will never get back. For what? A deep hole & a little body under the cherry tree.
When the hole was filled, I wiped away the tears & realized I had a choice. I could look back & think, "what a waste," about the time spent. I could be irritated that the difficult, "in-between" time was for nothing.
Or, I could find good in it.
My kids got to learn CPR in a real world experience. While I won't be trusting them to save my life quite yet, I guarantee they know more than some adults. They got to see Daddo & I choose to sacrifice to care for a tiny life. A sweet family member had some great input regarding this:
I love that God cares deeply for animals and says plainly so in Scriptures ... the concern He had for the cattle on the hills of Nineveh, sparrows, use of donkeys ... as an example for His glory to Balaam, sheep, and made provision through us to care for them in the form of a command. You and Josh see firsthand the rewards of obeying willingly to care for your part in forwarding creation, and more importantly, mentoring and fusing so many character-building traits into your lovely children. Animals are a small part of God’s greatness.
Guess what: even though that little life is no more, the example for our kids still stands. If I become callous the next time a little creature life needs saved, that also provides an example to our kids.
The truth is, the challenging, "in-between" time of trying to save a piggie's life is still worthwhile, no matter the result.
I know that a pig's life is a small thing. Your family's finacial challenges, my daughter's leukemia treatment, your mother's chronic illness... These are the big things. They are much more painful, much more difficult, & sometimes much longer to walk through.
Nevertheless, if good & growth can come from the little thing, how much more can these big things fertilize your life, your faith, or your family?
The truth is, there is no nice, neat bow to wrap up all the painful things we go through. They still hurt, exhaust, & overwhelm us. But I pray that you won't let the pain overshadow the growth. & please, remember, that you're never alone as you walk through them.
As always, love to you all.
Until the next adventure.
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