The title here pretty much speaks for itself, but I have to be real. This was a little bit difficult to write, because a lot of these are still areas I struggle with. That said, this post is most definitely not to pass judgement or make anyone feel guilty, but rather as a way to encourage you that you’re not alone. I'm right here with you trying to be better in each of these areas. I've had more success in some than others, & I'll share ways I've done well. But each of these can sneak up on me on a bad day, & unfortunately, I'm sure you've experienced the same.
So with the full disclosure, let's rip off the band-aid & jump right into 6 mistakes I've made related to the kids' chores.
1. Don’t insist on perfection.
There are certain things that I want done a specific way. I have to remind myself often that even if it isn’t done perfectly, that can be ok.
For example, I am very picky about the way laundry is put away. Maybe for you, there's only one right way to load the dishwasher? But Daddo & I decided that the kids need to put away their own laundry. As a result, I had to let go of my desire to have the kid’s dressers looking neat.
This is an area that I had to compromise. For example, underwear, leggings, & pajamas need to be right-side out, but they don’t have to be folded, just in the right drawer. Things that might wrinkle are hung in the closet.
Then, I just try to avoid looking in their dresser too frequently, because it still makes me feel a little insane that it isn’t Marie Kondo folded perfection. This solution still makes me cringe if I think about it too hard, but it is a task that the kids have to do for our house to run smoothly.
I would honestly encourage you, if you cannot let go of your need for a task to be done a certain way, don't ask your kids to do it. However, I'd also encourage you to try to let go of some of these things. Because (as I've said now many times) it is valuable for your kids to learn.
Now, obviously, if they are only halfway doing a job, that is different. For example, I’ve come up after they’ve said they’ve cleaned their room & found clothes stuffed behind the door. To require that they come up to fix their oversight is completely reasonable. I would add though, that if this is something you are seeing regularly, it might be time to review the expectations of a specific task or chore. Check out my post here to see how I suggest you teach a chore.
2. Don’t be stingy with praise
I’ll talk about this more on Friday, because it deserves its own post. For now, it’s sufficient to say, everyone likes praise. Give your child encouragement & build them up as often as you can. If you find yourself criticizing more than praising when it comes to chores, look at where things can be adjusted!
3. Don’t be inconsistent
This one is so important, but so hard for me. I’ve found that inconsistency is one of the biggest enemies of chores. Kids are smart. If you didn’t require that they do the chore yesterday, they’re going to take the gamble, to see if they can get out of doing it again today. Every time that you are inconsistent, you are setting yourself back several steps in building independence & good routine.
Unfortunately, I don’t have many good suggestions on combating this particular challenge, because it is the hardest for me. For example, Saturdays are crazy days in our house. We're doing big family projects, working outside, taking care of animals. etc. Then Sunday is our day of rest & church. That means on Monday, our house is trashed & the kids haven't done any of their normal chores for 2 days. This is a constant area of weakness, but we just keep doing the best we can.
The biggest advice I can offer here is to keep it simple & tie chores to necessities. For example, the living room has to be picked up before they eat lunch. Even on the weekend, even when we’re in a hurry. They know this is ALWAYS true, so they keep me accountable to a certain degree.
4. Don’t lose your temper
This one is funny right? It’s easier said than done, that’s for sure. I totally lose my temper. I think the important thing here is to remember that the more you can keep chores a positive experience, the better it will go in the long run. This is why I use tools like the chore chart & making things routine.
I think this is also an area for some self-reflection. If you find you are consistently losing your temper with a specific child, or regarding a specific chore, ask yourself "why?" Josh & I will often say to the other, "You are the adult," when the other person is starting to get irritable. If I realize I am always getting frustrated about a specific area, I need to take the responsibility to rectify that.
If I'm having an issue with a specific kid, I may need to apologize. If I'm always getting angry about a specific chore, I may need to re-teach it, or take it off the chore rotation for a while. At the end of the day, though, the only person responsible for my frustration is me.
5. Don’t nag
You don’t like when people do this to you, right? It can be so hard, but what I would encourage is that you consider your words. If you find that there is a specific task or time of day that you are nagging, look for the reason why. Maybe they are unsure about how to properly complete the task. Or, perhaps they don’t understand why it is important to do. It’s also possible that your child is not a morning person & would prefer to do chores in the afternoon.
This is a great area to talk to your kids. “I noticed that I always have to remind you to feed the dog. What can I do to help make this task easier to complete?” Even if there isn’t much of an adjustment to be made, this opportunity for conversation shows your child respect, & will make them more willing to complete the task when they have seen you care about their input & feelings.
6. Don’t overwhelm your child with too much
My instinct is that when we start something new, we’re going to go big! In this instance, that will backfire. If you are just introducing chores to your child 1 or 2 a day is plenty. The longer the list, the more likely to set your child up to fail. Start simple & grow with your child’s confidence & skill.
Well, that is as much transparency as I can handle today. Those are the six areas that I struggle with most when it comes to getting my kids to do chores.
What are the challenges you have had? Are there other things you have learned from experience to avoid? Or do you have better suggestions for me on alternatives to some of these areas? I know I always say it, but I love to hear from you!
As always, love to you all!
Until the next adventure
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