Last week, we talked about why chores are important (link), & the type of chores that are appropriate for specific ages (link). This week, I want to talk more about HOW to introduce new responsibilities to your children. If you already have a chore routine, you may find instead that some of these ideas help you mix it up or refresh what you are doing currently.
There’s a few main things that you need to think about as you introduce new chores:
Ask for input.
It doesn’t matter how young or old your child is, they want to have a say. Honestly, that’s a totally reasonable feeling. Even as adults, we want to have a say, a vote, or share our opinion. Even if the end result isn’t what we wanted, we are going to be more appreciative that our thoughts were heard.
This can be really simple. “Josiah, would you like to do a chore in the bathroom or in the kitchen?” For him, the answer is always the kitchen, because he likes to eat- which means he likes to help cook & clean the cooking materials.
One trick I would encourage you to use is: “would you like this or that?” instead of “what chore do you want to do?” If you are too open ended in your question, this conversation will be much less successful. If someone asked me what chore I want to do, my answer would be “NONE!” But you can modify the first question to be very specific (wiping down the table or wiping the bathroom counter) or more broad like my prior example was.
The other suggestion regarding asking for input is that you need to get more than one suggestion. Depending on your child’s age & their previous experience with chores, I’d recommend starting with 3-5 tasks that they got to verbalize some interest in.
Provide Instruction.
I have to be transparent: this is something I DID NOT DO when we started chores. I vividly recall asking Adri to do a chore one day. I turned to do something else & when I looked at her again, I thought, “What on earth is this kid doing?”
Immediately, I was irritated & assumed that she was messing around. But it suddenly dawned on me, I never showed her how to do the task I asked her to. So she was just making it up as she went.
In retrospect, I had a newborn about the time that Adri was introduced to basic chores, so it’s very possible my sleepless brain was part of the reason for this oversight. Nevertheless, it is an important component of introducing chores that we should talk about.
Here’s a basic rundown. First, show them how to do the chore step-by-step. Talk about what’s important or what to look for. If you’re going to have them feed the dog, make sure you talk about how important it is to shut the latch on the food container all the way. There are so may details to doing even simple tasks. Consider as many as you can, so that they have the skills to do the job well.
Next, have your child complete the task with you. This is an opportunity for you to find details or important components you may have missed during the explanation stage. If you find you missed something tell them so. “Oh my goodness, I am so silly. I forgot to tell you how important it is to put the scoop back in the dog food box.” More than likely, those are the things they will NEVER forget, & happily remind you when they are doing the chore independently.
Then, have your child do the task, while you supervise. We’ll talk later about providing additional instruction, but remember they are still learning. Consider how you want your boss to talk to you when you’re completing a task. If you say, “No, I told you to do it like this!” that’s really going to diminish any desire they had to do it well. This step will likely be required several times. If it’s a daily chore, supervise for about a week for a young child.
Additionally, supervise means standing with them the whole time, not setting them off & coming back to check when they’re finished. By staying with them, you’re watching the entire process to support if they have trouble or forget something. Remember, the goal is to provide opportunities for them to feel successful & proud of their work, so give them as many supervised/supported attempts as they need!
Hopefully, one day, they say, “Mommy, I’ve got this, you go do your own thing.” Then you know they are good to go. If that statement never comes, give them an ego boost! “Jaimee, I’ve been watching you put away the silverware & the last three times, you did it PERFECTLY! Are you comfortable with me doing something else while you work on this?”
Be Specific
This is similar to providing instruction, but is important especially for older children who may not want quite as much hands-on direction. If they have a chore such as cleaning their room, do not say, “Go clean your room.” Instead, say, “I want you to pick up all the things on your floor, look in the corners for garbage or sneaky hiding things, make your bed, & make sure your laundry is in the hamper.”
Now, if this is a task they do every day, perhaps providing the reminder occasionally at the end is sufficient. This is often what happens in our house. They come downstairs & say, “I’m finished” & about once a week I ask if they did all the things I mention above. 99% of the time, they say, “let me go check!”
The truth is, reminders are nice sometimes. My husband often asks me for reminders when he’s home with the kids. But in order for specific instructions or reminders to be appreciated, they need to be done with love, gratitude, & thankfulness. Use them judiciously with your child, depending on their needs & personality.
So, those are some of the things that are important when introducing new chores to your children. Like I said, a lot of these are things I messed up the first time around, so I hope you get to learn from my mistakes!
What are other considerations that are important as you introduce chores for the first time? Or, how do you adapt these things when you’re reinforcing chores that have already been assigned to you kids? I always love hearing feedback from you!
Later this week, I will be talking specifically about how to introduce these as a part of a routine & provide visual reminders. These steps are ESSENTIAL in our house, & will likely help you as well!
As always, love to you all! Until the next adventure.
Comments