There's a common discussion that happens in a relationship. Sometimes, it's a conversation that is frequently revisited. Unfortunately, it can also become an argument.
Since it's in the title, it isn't a surprise: household chores.
But, rather than go through our list of chores and who does what, let me first explain how we have had to hammer out how and what is done by whom.
You see I myself prefer to clean as I see it or notice it (not always).
Visualize this: I start cleaning up the living room. I easily jump from picking up the pieces of cheerios or wrappers left on the floor to taking out the trash because it was full, only to notice that the bikes are all over the driveway so I start bringing them in. Then, I see that one has a flat tire, so I get out the bike pump... Yeah, my style of cleaning does not always look or feel helpful to my wife.
Her style is very methodical and weighed out by preference and each area is prioritized by what events are going to happen that day. So, I arrive home from work feeling like the knight in armor coming to the rescue of my lady by getting everything cleaned and ready in a timely manner. I expect that my tossing of garbage bags and dirty dishes into their realms from whence they came would obviously lead to the love and affections we all believe we deserve for keeping rubbish out of the kingdom.
However, reality quickly strikes back when she is not pleased, because she asked for my aid in the battle of a specific room or project, not the general goldfish brain approach I tend to take.
For our first years together, we probably avoided the issue of how to operate together and clean as a team. After probably 1000 or so conversations about staying focused on a room or area to clean up, we finally have it figured out about 73% of the time! We know that working together is tough or can lead to irritation between us, so we merged our styles a bit. Now, I try to ask for a prioritized list that I can do 1 by 1 on the quest to clean up. Usually, starting with a bathroom that needs a good scrub, changing sheets that the kids peed on last night, or a diaper genie that needs emptying (see my post about them here).
Now that our kids have gotten older, we also ask or let them help do chores. We try to teach them what to do and explain why it's important. I don't think they have picked up on the "why it is important" part yet, but it's great that at least they can do some things or be helpful. We hope that our positive reinforcement and attempt to reward them with attention in the form of a hug or high five will help them to build good habits and hygiene.
Recently in our podcast [link] we talked about our star chart that we have also implemented where the kids earn up to 40 stars (1 per task) for extra things they do on their own without being asked to do them or something a bit beyond what we expect of them for daily chores. Once their chart is full they get to sit with mom and order a toy from amazon or coloring book etc.
However, adding the kids into the mix on helping can and does also bring some hardship as they are mostly blind to toys and wrappers or coats and shoes. Lots of assistance is still needed to help them focus. Hopefully, one day it'll all kick in (probably when I'm 80) and they'll come clean my house for me. Until then, every day we will do our best to work on chores as a family on a never ending quest to defeat the dirt monsters.
What have you found that works for your family?
Until the next adventure
Daddo
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