Adri is now 3 & SI is 18 months. We’re eagerly anticipating the arrival of # 3 in the end of January. Yup, so there will be 21 month spacing between 1 & 2, & between 2 & 3. Believe it or not, despite my desire for orderliness and pattern, that wasn’t QUITE the plan.
But I sure do love God’s surprises. As it turns out, God brought about this pregnancy as a redirection for me. After finding out about this girly, I started asking HIm for direction & actually waiting for a response. I had recently taken a job in ministry that seemed like a “good” thing, but unfortunately, I didn’t really wait for His leading. It came up in an unexpected way, it made sense, I had been feeling like He was leading me towards something, so after a little bit of prayer & thought, I’m ashamed to admit I just jumped in. I thought, “I know He’s been preparing my heart for something new, & this opportunity is a perfect fit for me & my passions & talents…”
For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. For it is written, “He is THE ONE WHO CATCHES THE WISE IN THEIR CRAFTINESS” 1 Corinthians 3:19
Ouch.
Yeah, even though this happened several months ago, it still smarts.
I submitted my resignation a short 6 weeks after starting. Once I actually sought GOD’s wisdom, it became abundantly clear to me that I was not the person He wanted for that ministry. Was I doing a good job? Sure. Was I able to continue completing the tasks necessary? Absolutely!
Being capable and available does not equal being chosen.
I had to swallow a lot of pride to go to the director and give the resignation letter to her. I had to swallow even more to explain that although I was doing a “good job” I knew I was not the best person for the ministry, and that by being there, I was hindering the ministry and myself. It was a painful conversation to say the least, for a whole host of reasons. Once I got past the discomfort of it, I experienced an awful lot of peace that can only come from one place.
Do you know that peace? Man, I want it to overflow out of every day & every action & every conversation. I’ll be candid and say it doesn’t always happen, but I seek it daily. What I’ve learned, from that painful experience, is that when I shut up and close up my plan book & I begin to seek the Author & Giver of wisdom that peace flows abundantly and washes over all my stresses, insecurities, and perceived failures.
As mommas, I think we carry around a lot of those things.
For some reason, I think we want to hold on to them sometimes. We feel they make us wiser, better prepared, or more experienced. But we also desire that peace. I’m here to tell you, you can’t keep both. Strangely enough, we each have to choose – sometimes daily – whether we want His peace & guidance or our own “wisdom.” It’s not easy, but I have come to realize it’s a whole lot better.
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